Monday, July 5, 2010

Exactly one year ago today


Exactly one year ago today, my world turned upside down! Exactly one year ago today (July 5, 2009) I found out that I was pregnant! It's amazing how so much can change in a year, and how when you think you've got your life all figured out, God throws a curve ball and surprises you beyond your wildest imagination. See, a year ago today, I remember sitting in the 1000 service at Oasis, taking notes on the message Pastor Philip Wagner was bringing on Love. I was singing on the worship team that morning, and I remember sitting in the front row, taking notes vigorously, soaking up every word. In fact, here are some great highlights from that message,

"Our ability to love comes from our connection with God"

"It's crucial to have the capacity to love and be loved"

"We love because He first loved us" 1 John 4:19

As I was taking notes, I decided to journal a bit. I don't normally do this journal while taking notes, but I felt the overwhelming need to write this down randomly in the middle of my notes, "Lord, I want what you want, you make all things beautiful in your time! You know how my heart longs for a baby.."

Mind you, at this time, I had no idea that I was already pregnant! It was a few hours later that I found out that I was pregnant (at the LAX airport bathroom while picking up my some friends...which is a whole other blog entry. I'll get into that later)

As I look back one year later, I am so amazed, blessed and stand in awe of our amazing God. He knows my hearts every desire, even the desires I don't even know I have, and He is so faithful to fulfill them!

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

A Baby Story


As most of you know, I just had a baby. My sweet boy, Jacob Audio (yes, daddy chose his middle name) Rivera was born on March 10, 2010 at 933am. I have been blessed with the most "spirited" baby. He definitely knows what he wants, and is not ashamed to let you know. He wants what he wants when he wants it, and he gets frustrated because he wants to do more than he can actually do! Hmmmmmm I wonder where he gets that from? (*ahem* Daniel!) My hubby and I are completely opposite when it comes to our personalities. (We have in common all the important things, like morals, faith, values etc...) It actually works out pretty well. We compliment each other. So it's interesting to have two guys in the house, with personalities OPPOSITE of mine. I know it's a bit early to say Jacob is exactly like Daniel, but there is no denying their similarities. Which brings me to his (Jacob's) birthday. It was the most unique, amazing, unconventional births I've ever seen. (And I'm a labor and delivery nurse, so I've been blessed to be part of many, many births). It was by far, the most amazing day of my life! Here is my story.

Jacob was due March 7th, so when that day came and went, I was quite restless! Especially when I made up my mind that I was going to deliver at 38+3weeks (no one told me that, so I don't know where I got that from). On the morning of March 9th, I spent the morning reading, journaling, and found myself sitting at the piano, writing a song (that's a whole other blog in itself). After being restless for the previous 2 weeks because baby wasn't here, I finally was at peace, knowing that he would get here eventually. That night, I had plans to hang out with my girls and Daniel planned to hang with his guys. We ordered take out at PF Changs and I was supposed to pick it up it was too cold so I sent Daniel and his buddy Chuck to get it. While they were gone, at 720 pm, my water broke as I was going to the bathroom. (Most pregnant women spend half their day going to the bathroom due to the 6-9 lb baby they have dancing on their bladder). Thank God I didn't pick up the food. I can't imagine walking through the Sherman Oaks Galleria with water pouring down my legs. We carried the night on as we had planned, since I wasn't contracting. I called the midwife on call at the hospital and let the charge nurse know that I would eventually be coming in. And called our families. Our plan was to labor at home for as long as possible as long as everything was normal and there was no meconium (that is when babies poop in the womb as a sign of stress, which can lead to severe complications if it gets in their lungs). Everything was normal so we carried on. The girls hung out at my friend Brooke's place (she lives across the hall from me) and the guys played video games at our place. We called it a night at 10 pm, hoping to get a full night's sleep before having to go to the hospital. At 11pm my contractions started. They were every 8 minutes at that point lasting about a minute long. Then at 1am, they became incredibly intense. That's when we called our doula, Anna. (A doula is a woman who provides help and support to both mom and dad during labor. BTW Anna was incredible!!!! If you are pregnant and want a doula, I would recommend her! Her website is www.byoursidedoula.com) She came and massaged my back with each contraction, reminding me to breathe and relax with each contraction. At 5am, the contractions were every 2-3 minutes lasting 1 minute. We decided it was time to go to the hospital. I called my peeps in L&D at UCLA and let them know I was coming. We were on our way! Anna rode with me in the back seat, massaging my back. The pain was quite unbearable. Daniel sped down the 405-S, and ran a few red lights to get me to the hospital asap. Thank God it was 5am and not 5pm. I can't imagine what it would be like if I had to sit in traffic! We got there in one piece. They wheeled me up to L&D from the ER where I was greeted with smiles by the most awesome nurses! I put the gown on, peed in the cup, and the midwife checked me and I was 5cm! Half way there! Hallelujah! They admitted me. The contractions only got more and more intense. By 6am, my mom, mother in-law, sister, and 2 best friends were in the labor room with me. (I had planned to have them in the room with me when I delivered). I labored for another hour and around 7 am I felt like I had to push. The midwife asked my posse to step out of the room so that I could concentrate and rest, leaving just Anna, Daniel and me in the room. She checked me and I was 7-8cm. She suggested that I labor in the shower so I did. It was amazing and cut the intensity of the contractions in HALF! By this time, it was shift change, so I had a new nurse and new midwife. Lorraine was my RN and Ann was my midwife. I couldn't have a more perfect team! At around 830 my body was voluntarily pushing. They asked if I wanted to get back in bed, but I just couldn't. I couldn't imagine having the pain double! So they said I could give birth in the shower! They busted out the birthing stool (it's a round horseshoe shaped stool that people can deliver on) and put it in the shower. Ann the midwife got into the shower with me as I pushed. Daniel, Anna and Lorraine were all crammed in the bathroom. A little under an hour later, it was almost time! Ann was sitting in front of me ready to deliver, Lorraine was right behind her, Daniel was beside me holding my hand, and Anna was behind him holding the video camera. I was in the zone! Then all of a sudden, I hear, "look down, look down! Take your baby!" I reached down and got to pull the rest of him out and onto my chest (Kourtney Kardashian style for those of you who saw that episode of Keeping up w the Kardashians) and screamed, "it's our baby!" I helped dry him off and was overwhelmed with such joy! He was finally here! After that I walked to the bed from the shower with baby in tow! My family came in shortly after that, and the rest is history!

That's our story! I'm so blessed to be his mama! What a joy and honor it is have this sweet boy!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

I Choose You

This is the song I wrote for Daniel. It was originally written in February 2003, and later revised in June 2007 to be our first dance song.

Verse 1:
So take this heart,
So take these hands
Take what is mine, all that I am
I vow to be faithful,
For the rest of my days to you

Pre-Chorus:
Through the sun and rain
Our love will remain
And when these diamonds are jaded
When the pictures fade
I'll be standing by you
I choose you

Chorus:
As we walk down this road here together
Rest assured, I will never let go of your hand
Where you lead, I will go, I will follow
I am sure
Next to you I will stand
When the end of the day is through
I choose you

Verse 2:
I'll take your dreams and make them mine
I'll build you up, we'll walk through the fire
Just to be able,
To love you all of my life

Bridge:
Today we laughed, today we cried
Tomorrow's joy's in our children's eyes
And after all the season change
We'll still hold onto
All the love in our hearts today

Songwriting

Ever since I was little, music has always been a huge part of me. It has been something that has gotten me through whatever season I was in. When I was 7 years old I would listen to Mariah Carey's songs on tape. I would buy the singles because saving up for the whole album meant saving up my lunch money for 2 whole weeks (and I wasn't willing to eat packed lunches for that long). Anyway, the Singles always used to have the song on the "B" side without the words, so I would "re-write" the song with my own lyrics! HAHA! Then when I was fourteen, I wrote my very first song, one the piano, with my very own lyrics. It was for my boyfriend at the time, and went something like, "I love you with all of my heart, now I know we'll never part, you showed me the way, and to you all I have to say is that I love you, I love you, I love you....With all of my heart..." HAHAHA! The words were pretty basic and the melody reminiscent of a Brian McKnight song, but I was young and naive. Ever since then, I would write songs to express what I was feeling. Fast forward 9 years (and a few more "I love you, I hate you" songs later) I was inspired to write a song for my fiance (who is now my husband). He had no idea, but I recorded it in a studio, and played it on our wedding day. We danced to it. It was our first dance song. Fast forward 2 1/2 years later. I was very pregnant, resembling an elephant, waiting for our son to come. I wrote a song the very morning before my water broke. And that song, which I sang in my head, during and in between contractions is what got me through 10 hours of a drug-less labor and delivery.
Do I think I will be the next Alicia Keyes? Probably not. Will my songs win a Grammy? Probably not. But I am grateful that God has given me this, to enjoy. I'm glad that when I sing, when I write I can be absolutely who God has called me to be, without apologies.

Priceless

Written in June 2008. This song was inspired by the living, breathing Proverbs 31 women in my life.


She walks with her head held high
She runs with a fire
A passion that burns inside
She's fueled with desire

She smiles through the pain
She laughs through the hurt
Her joy doesn't come from
What they say she's worth
She looks in the mirror
Sees His reflection
A light shines within her
She lives in redemption

She paves a way for others to come
She stands up so strong
With each battle she's won
With strength and with courage
She speaks for the voiceless
Her hand in her Father's
Her value is priceless

She rises while it's yet night
Awaken with hunger
With purpose she takes each stride
To him she draws closer

She falls to her knees
When she's stricken with fear
She knows that in Him
All chaos disappears
Her eyes how they sparkle
They grow even brighter
A world that is lost
Finds the beauty inside her

She paves a way for others to come
She stands up so strong
With each battle she's won
With strength and with courage
She speaks for the voiceless
Her hand in her Father's
Her value is priceless

Her footsteps they lead to a life
Filled with greatness, She overcomes
Her legacy woven with His love, she's blameless
Washed in His blood

She's mother, she's daughter
She's sister, she's teacher
Wife and a lover
She's giver, She's leader

Like a virgin

So this is my first time blogging...EVER. I've been journaling since I was 12, so one would think this would come naturally. But the journal is meant for you, your thoughts, and God, at least mine was. I could be as candid, and vulnerable as I wanted to be in my journal. It wasn't intended for anyone to read...Blogging on the internet, is quite the opposite on the other hand. It's the equivalent of walking naked through Times Square letting it all hang out. So bare with me as I bare my soul.